A very dear friend died suddenly last month, his name was Nizam.
A kind and gentle soul, he was only 36. There was no illness, no symptoms of note and he died alone. He lived on his own.
I believe that you shouldn't only remember a person who has passed away by recalling memories but you should also observe, in all its richness, what that person restored in others whilst he lived and what remains after. And if you can, for it is difficult, you must refrain from judgment.
I can trace remnants of memories in the strangeness of living amid a return to routine and the mundane, after being shaken by his death.
He was a banker, primarily a credit officer all his adult life; a Maybanker (as staff of a local bank affectionately call themselves) through and through as well as a heavy smoker. No doubt, the last part contributed to his shock passing at a young age.
On smoking, he was undeterred despite the apprehension as well as repeated efforts of his closest friends and I will never look at a box of cigarette the same way again. For the living, regret remains; acute, distinct and resonant. If you smoke - please quit. If you don't but know someone who does smoke, advise them to quit.
Emily Dickinson wrote:
"Death sets a thing significant
The eye had hurried by..."
The man he was restored a once depleted faith in friendship and I remain indebted for his compassion, companionship and willingness to listen. Taken too soon, he was a good man.
In remembrance, Nizam.